It was 3.30 in the afternoon; I sat
anxiously in the waiting area of my dentist’s clinic, restlessly tapping my
toes, I impatiently checked my phone for the tenth time in past 15 minutes,
hoping it would distract me from the fear that I feel inside my heart. Finally
a voice from behind the reception called out my name and asked me to move
towards the procedure room.
Spotting the discomfort on my face
my cordial doctor announced “it’s a simple procedure, you will not feel any
pain I promise” were his comforting words, as he wore his gloves and grabbed
the anesthesia. I convinced myself that it’s a simple extraction and it will be
over in no time, the images of many effective painkillers filled my mind.
Taking a deep breath I sat on the chair fingers crossed, I was given anesthesia
and three of my teeth were extracted as I have a severe periodontal condition
leading to bone and gum loss (we will not go in the details of how or why it
happened or whose fault was it). Surprisingly the extraction was even smoother
then I had imagined with no pain or discomfort, little did I know that the pain
later would not be from the procedure but of something else that I had not
thought through or imagined.
Many of you by now must be thinking
why is getting an elective procedure such a big deal, and you are right it is
not. I went home with the feeling of numbness in my mouth and a small
prosthetic denture in my hand. The bitterness hit me once the effect of
anesthesia was over and I decided to have a look in the mirror, sadly these
were my front teeth so a denture had to be worn sooner than later, implant is
another long procedure which cannot happen instantly and that too with my kind
of bone condition. I stood in front of the mirror shocked to my core, not
realizing the intensity of the damage until it actually happened. The mirror
showed me an image of myself but a lesser self, the missing teeth were making me
look old, I could not pronounce my words correctly and chewing or eating was
another ball game altogether. Uncontrollable tears tricked down my eye, 10
minutes later I found myself howling on the bathroom floor thinking my life has
ended, I look ugly and why did it happened to me. I wished if it had to happen,
it should have happened to some of my less visible teeth, self blame started to
kick in; will I ever be able to smile again and the sobbing continued.
What is it that I am upset about I
asked myself an hour later, the fact that I temporarily look ugly, or the fact
that this loss of teeth is giving me a pale refection of old age, which is
inevitable its bound to happen someday. However, it was none of the above; it
was only “Vanity” and nothing else.
Vanity has been my favorite Sin all
along; it is that feeling where I took pride in my beauty and took my blessings
for granted up until I lost a blessing to realize how important it was. All
mankind is excessively blessed by the Almighty, there is no soul on this earth
that does not taste the sweetness of HIS blessings, yet there are few soul’s
who show gratitude towards HIM.
To be able to breath, swallow,
chew, see, hear, taste , feel and the list go on are things we never realize
are a blessing, we callously take them for granted, at least I did thinking
it’s my birth right to have everything and more. Even after looking in the
mirror for the 15th time I was not actually grateful that I had the
rest of my body intact but the worries that encircled my mind were that of
facing people. How I would face the world, what will so and so say, were among
the many thought I had when I was putting on an uncomfortable denture for the 8th
time.
Something was deeply missing, the perfection and balance of what Allah
has created, the perfection and detail that HE took to create it, surly no man
and no scientific lab can match that.
I then realized that there are many
blessings of Allah that surround me, some I see with my eyes some hidden and
beyond the capacity of my small existence, yet I feel pride in owning
everything, and now I have the audacity to complain to the Creator as to why did it happen to me. What I don’t realize
is that the same Creator has blessed me with the means to get it fixed, what if
HE had taken both - the blessing and the means, what would have I done then?????????
This is how Rahman our Creator is he
gives us smaller tests in life and provides us with bigger means to get help,
so we can be grateful.
So which of the
favors of your Lord would you deny? (55:13)
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